Is it My Intuition or Just Society Norm?

Is it My Intuition or Just Society Norm?

Intuitive nudge or society norm? 

Do you ever find that we are constantly seeking for approval and happiness from others? Not making a decision until someone else has given us the go ahead or running something by someone before we do it. 

I do it all the time, I love something but before I do it, I run it past people just to check that it’s valid? 

I wonder if it comes from the fact that we spend so so long as ‘kids’. Like think about, most animals are ‘adults’ by the time they are like 4. Where as for us, we live under our parents rules until we are like in our 20’s now. 

That’s mad isn’t it? 

Think about it, we don’t have own mind until we leave home? But then again I’d argue do we even have it then? As we follow society norms or attend work everyday. Are we just being moulded into something that isn’t truly us? 

Don’t worry this isn’t some conspiracy post about the government or anything like that. It’s more a journal entry so I can shine the light on where im waiting for people’s approval and acceptance. 

I’ve often ignored my intuition as a way to keep others happy. I’ve thought ‘oh it will be ok’ and guess what? It wasn’t.

Eventually my intuitive nudges become so so loud that it forces you to change.

Youtube was similar, I told myself the story that I no longer did that. I was focusing on Pro:Direct and I no longer had the time… 

Eventually my intuitive nudges got louder and I started up again. 

Then I started seeing someone and my little tiny voices were ignored, put to bed and I started doing things that people expected me to do but not what my soul really wanted me to do.

It’s like I’ve got this weird switch that as soon as I stop listening to myself I slowly self destruct further. I guess this is a strong sign to keep listening to my intuition right? 

I guess it still comes back to the whole not being good enough and seeking outside approval. Worrying people won’t like me if I show my real self or I’ll be seen as selfish if I do something that I just want to do rather than what I have to do. 

I’ve become so good as self discipline, that as we know it can go too far and it becomes way too restrictive. 

I’m not sure where this leading too today all I know is again I wake up and I commit to finding joy, finding love & doing things that light me up. 

As we come to the end of April, another month of the happiness project is done and while I’ve worked well on the things I said: 

  • Share something everyday, be the light
  • Write a schedule for the day
  • Prioritise self care

There is actually more I need to do to be able to accept me and fully me. 

So here is May: 

  • Do something I genuinely find joyful and fun everyday. Where I really switch off e.g reading fiction for fun, skateboarding, watching a funny tv show.
  • Reach out to a loved one. Having stronger relationships will help me feel as though im accepted and can be fully myself.
  • Cook a substantial meal everyday. A fuelled body will keep my energy levels stable which in turn will give me more confidence in my self and is clearly an act of self love. 

The journey of feeling good enough continues x x x 

Our Thoughts Become Our Reality

Our Thoughts Become Our Reality

Maybe just don’t do It if it’s going to hurt Chlo ?

It’s a simple yet effective task that. 

You know, just avoiding doing things that are probably going to hurt you. You know, like looking at the news for way longer than you anticipated, for following that person that makes you feel shit, for stalking someone from your past. 

Why do we do it? Does it come back to that self sabotage thing? The fact that society shuns us for having fun and feeling happy. 

I don’t really know where im going with this today apart from I went to go on someones instagram that quite frankly makes me feel like shit and just as I was about too a little voice said to me ‘whats the point’ and stopped me. 

It just guided me to open up my Mac and talk about it. 

Self sabotage is a funny one isn’t it. 

Our ego is very much there to protect us, to stop us doing anything that might harm up, that might in flicked change and while the ego has a very important job in protecting us it can often do us more harm than good. 

The ego and your intuition is so hard to tell the difference between too because the ego feels so comfortable. Our ego is the thing that keeps us in the comfortable spaces, the usual spaces. The ego is the thing that will keep us stagnant and not going after our goals and our dreams.

Our ego is the thing that keeps us routed and is the thing that tells us to dream so big but it’s only there to keep us safe. 

But real growth comes from uncertainty, real growth comes from uncomfortable positions, risks and often shit situations. 

We are all going through growth at the moment whether we see it as that or not and I for one have found I’ve had emotions and past situations brought to the surface to shine a light on for me to acknowledge and heal.

The relationship with myself and my body I’ve learnt has come down to a subconscious story of not feeling safe. My ego got comfortable with not feeling safe in my own skin, my go too is to lock myself away and to not get hungry. It’s like the loneliness and the lack of food numbed the feeling of not being safe. 

I’ve worked through that. Affirmations, tarot cards, journalling and meditation has got me daily reminding myself that I am safe, I am worthy and I am enough. 

Other feelings like imposters syndrome or that worry im not good enough have risen. Worried im not doing enough at work and then worrying because im working at home what if they think im not doing anything? Worry worry worry. Worrying that all comes down to the deep stories I told myself for years that I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to be better, that I needed to strive for more. 

Today on a call with a friend I was giving her some pearls of wisdom from the many books I’ve read and while I was relaying the information to her I couldn’t help but realise that actually these words were for myself. 

I’ve got this big pull recently to head to a beach the opposite side of the river from me, it’s where I keep having these huge epiphanies and thats where it was today. 

I was talking about how the universe knows what we desire when we launch the first rocket up, when we first declare it. Just like the waiter knows what we want when we order it. We wouldn’t keep going to the waiter, how long, how long, is it coming, when’s it coming and checking he knew what we ordered, every 5 minutes would we? Yet I often find myself doing that with the universe. 

Instead when we order food, we just enjoy the time while we wait. We have good conversation, we may laugh and really connect with others and enjoy it until it comes and then when it comes, it’s exactly what you ordered (99% of the time anyway).

This is exactly the same thing with the universe. The universe delivers when we are on the same frequency to what we desire. If we are constantly asking and checking on our manifestation from a state of fear that the universe will get it wrong (or the waiter has forgotten) it won’t come to us as quickly as we’d liked. 

We have to tune into the frequency of the manifestation that we have asked the universe. So if you’re wanting to manifest more money, what is the feelings you’ll feel when you have that money? Or if you’re wanting to go on holiday – what are the feelings you’ll feel on that holiday? Those are the feelings we need to embody now. 

We need to connect to the universe through the frequencies of the things we desire. I often forget this and through writing and meditating bring myself back to the realisation that by focusing on love, joy and gratitude then I will constantly manifest more of that into my life. 

My appreciating and loving where we are right now allows us to get on the same frequency as even more good shit. By focusing on what we don’t have and constantly asking for it, we’re on the same frequency as what we are focusing on. 

We manifest what we think about. So let’s all check out thoughts and make sure we are thinking of love and joy. 

Xxxx

What’s the difference between masculine & feminine energies?

What’s the difference between masculine & feminine energies?

I keep having epiphanies. This lockdown is causing me all kind of things in me but as woo woo & deep as it sounds I haven’t felt this level of healing since I went to Thailand 2 years  ago. 

I try to share as much as I can but this lockdown I’ve dug deep trying to claw up all the unnecessary baggage I’ve been dragging about with me. I email my epiphanies to my stepdad because we can blame him for my spiritual side but he just gets it. 

Some days I wake up not being able to move other days I’m putting on my trainers wondering how hard it really would be to run 5k in 10 minutes and that kind of sums up my past 2 years. 

Ridiculous amounts of energy which I didn’t know what to do with then bam nothing. 

The word balance id only use when I was wondering how to balance the 50,000 things I wanted to do in that 5 minutes. 

Don’t get wrong I’ve grown so much and do have so much more balance in my life but it does depends what area of my life you look at. 

Sleep, general wellness, body acceptance, allowing foods I want? Kinda Nailed it. 

Over working, not seeing loved ones, allowing myself to have fun and do things just because & actually fuelling myself for my days? Working on it. 

I’ve spent the past few years of my life in my masculine (your body is made up of both a masculine & feminine side. The masculine is your drive, power and leadership. The feminine is your nurturing, caring, receiving) 

So the masculine, where I’ve lived for years – That is the side of you that GETS SHIT DONE. I’m 24, brand manager, first class degree and my own apartment. I’ve got shit done. But the masculine doesn’t really care how it gets done, it just gets done. 

That’s what I did. My divine feminine didn’t just get moved to the side she got trampled on. Only allowing to poke her head out on a spa day. My hormones were fucked. I had no oestrogen, no period, no self love and struggled to show emotion. 

But in the words of pink… were not broken just bent & we can learn to love again. LOL CRINGE. 

But that’s what this lockdown is allowing me to do. Slowing down, meditating, yoga-ing, connecting with my body again and I’ll forever be grateful for that. 

With a lot of resistance at the start, a few wobbles, days not eating just working & others where I’ve simply just over done it … I know that on the day we start to see family & friends again, I’ll be full of love and oestrogen LOL. 

Xxxx 

If you have changed, then so have they… right?

If you have changed, then so have they… right?

I’m the first to shout that people can change. I’m waving the flag for all us that have changed. I know that people can change because if you told 18 year old chloe that she wouldn’t be going to the gym 7 times a week and would do yoga over HIIT… oh and meditate I’d have laughed and told you to eff off. 

I have a bigger heart, I care more. I’m more optimistic… 

I had to stop writing then. Because I thought actually I have always been caring so have I changed? Or has my personality started to show, just more unapologetically? 

I think I’ve just managed to contradict myself in the space of 5 seconds. Wtf. Lol.

Now I guess I’m asking something…

Do people change or are they just more self aware? More mature? Know themselves more? Is that even a change? 

Because looking back I’ve always cared a lot but I guess it sometimes got suppressed with the need of being perceived as normal & good enough. 

Ok ok I’ve got it. I think. 

WHAT IF. Everyone does have it in them to be the kindest and most loveable people but their limiting beliefs hinder them? 

WHAT IF. With age and some time alone you are able to peel back the onion to reveal those? 

Oh I don’t know. I’ve confused myself now. 

I just wanted to share that I have an epiphany yesterday. 

‘If you can change so much Chlo, why can’t others? Let your past go’ 

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can find myself declaring things about people that I don’t even know anymore. 

We’re holding onto our past, holding onto who they were. But if you can notice changes in yourself and you were able to change then you can bet your bottom dollar (love that saying lol) that everyone else has changed too. 

Whether for the good or bad that also isn’t for you/us/me (dunno what tense I’m talking in now) to judge or even know. 

Just like you (ok I’m talking to myself so when I say you I mean me as if it’s a journal feature ok) … 

Just like you are proud of how much you’ve changed and know that not many people know you anymore it’s important to remember that this has most definitely happened to others too. 

So Miss Hodgkinson you can quit the whole ‘this person is like this because..’ because actually you have no bloody idea.

If you can change, if your world has changed. Then theirs would/could too. 

Rewrite your thoughts on others. Wipe the slate clean. Let your past go. Learn more. 

and if you lot reading this knew me a few years ago, I ask you from the bottom of my heart whether you could do the same please x 

(Coz I’m a lot weirder now lol) 

I’ll be happy when…

I’ll be happy when…

They say successful people are the ones that continue to show up. They say the happiest are the ones that live with fulfilment. 

What if you don’t know what fulfills you? What if we are constantly climbing the ladder? I’ll be happy when…. 

I’ll be happy when I’m skinny, when I’ve got through this project, when I’ve moved house, when I have a pay rise, when my boss likes me, when he falls in love with me. 

I like to think I’m pretty honest with you guys. I’ve always chased better, I’ve always chased happier.

I’ve suffered from ammenorhea for nearly 2 years now. I’m recovered now, this month I’ll have my period. I’m healthy now. I’m just waiting for it to come. But for so so many months the words ‘I’ll sort myself out after…’ we’re words that were constantly coming out of my mouth. 

I was burnt out, trying to always do more in order to find happiness. Trying to do more to be the healthiest, to be perfect. Nothing was ever quite enough… and if I thought it was for 2 seconds well then I’d push the boundaries some more. 

‘Give me 2 more weeks and I’ll sort myself out’

What even is sorting myself out? All I needed to do was stop for a second and look at what I had around me. I was actually able to be happy now, not then but I was so not present that it was impossible to see. 

I don’t regret anything in my life. Each experience shaped me now, developed me as a person. Good or bad choices, they’ve shaped my morals, my values and current story. 

What I am aware of now though is I visit places I’d been too before and noticed things I had no idea about. I knew I’d been there but didn’t remember a thing.

A while a go I visited Dartmouth with family, we got fish and chips. I knew me and my ex boyfriend went here when we were 18 once but I barely remembered it… I only remember thinking ‘I went gym straight after to burn them off’… madness. 

I missed out of enjoying company, having a laugh, new experiences because I was so focused on ‘becoming happy’ that I had no idea that actually happiness is found now. Happiness wasn’t going to be found when I was skinny, happiness was there in front of me I just couldn’t see it. 

I think that’s why I make such a big deal out of the small things now. Why gratitude is so important to me, why noticing and reflecting on the good things in everyday is so important. 

It’s mad when you actually stay focused on being present. It’s mad how much more of life you see, the relationships you build and the enjoyment you fill. 

Whenever you can, I urge you to stop at one point in your day and just notice something you’ve enjoyed today. Take some breathes and  ground yourself, look around you and realise that whatever journey you’re on you’re allowed to be happy now. 

You can find happiness and still want to grow. 

Love ya xxxx 

Pain vs Pleasure Theory

Pain vs Pleasure Theory

The pain and pleasure theory…. 

IGTV got me explaining more in words again. 

Tony Robbins introduces me to this theory. The theory that as humans we seek pleasure and avoid pain. That’s basically how we make decisions.

Would you like to go pub? 

At the moment your brain will associate pub with either pain or pleasure and that’s how you’ll decide what to do. 

Getting up for 6am gym when it’s cold, dark and rainy? 

Is the pain getting out of bed when your bed is so comforting and warm greater than the pleasure you’ll experience from going to the gym? 

You make that decision. Have a think about it, it’s in everything we do. Stomach growls giving us pain so eat to avoid the pain of hungry and we will eat something tasty to seek the pleasure. 

Understanding this theory has done wonders for me when it comes to making decisions and is one I’d really encourage you to think about. 

When setting goals Try this: 

  1. acknowledging change needs to be made. The first step is acknowledgement. You’ve noticed something that needs to change. This might be that you’re overweight or you’re really unfit. 
  2. Set your goals. You’ve acknowledged your overweight so you set a goal to loose weight. I’d recommend you then break down your ultimate goal into more specific and measurable goals… see manifesting post. This could be loose 1 stone by the time I go on holiday. 
  3. Find your why. Having a purpose to achieve this goal and a why really helps cement you’re goal in an emotional way. To loose 1 stone by the time you go on holiday. Why? Because then I feel good in a bikini and not want to cover up so can get a nice tan and feel happy sitting around the pool just like every other holiday. You’re going to want to remember your why when things get hard. 
  4. Set a plan. You may reach out to a PT, start a programme or start eating healthier and moving more. Each day from now on you’ll be faced with the pain and pleasure theory when it comes to working towards your goals. 

You’re at a party, you’ve enjoyed one bit of cake because the pain of saying no when it’s your favourite every cake is greater than if you were to allow yourself a small piece and enjoy every moment. You’re offered a second piece – here comes the decision, remember your why. Is the pain of saying no to the second bit greater than the pain you’ll feel if you don’t feel comfortable and happy on holiday? 

Tony explains that we are more likely to avoid pain than seek pleasure. For example, if you’re eating the yummiest food in the world but suddenly someone comes in threatening to kill you unless you stop eating it. No matter how delicious that cake was, dying is more painful… dramatic example but I think you get it. 

I use this theory to help me make more conscious decisions. Help keep me accountable and help make decisions that are aligned with me and my goals. 

I use the why part to help remind me and to make an emotional connection to my goal. 

I use goals to help have a purpose. 

I love having a purpose so my life stays interesting and fulfilled. 

Yours could too. 

Love as always legends xxxx 

How I Manifest

How I Manifest

If you haven’t seen my latest IGTV then you need to have a sit down with yourself and get watching…. https://www.instagram.com/p/B1HHhnKHQZu/

If you have then you might be finding yourself here because you want some more info on what I meant.

  1. Be Clear on what you want.

Ha this is a fun one. Partly because when I say be clear, I really bloody mean it. I’ve always found manifesting my desires quite easy. more so since I’ve become more self-aware and a bit more into this spiritual fun.

When I say that what you say and what you think will manifest I’m not lying and that’s why you have to be super clear.

I’ve manifested things into existence that I definitely said and thought but didn’t mean too…. or well I did but I wasn’t clear enough.

One day I’ll share my experiences but right now I’m not in a place to share my big ones because they include other people and that’s unfair. But an example could be manifesting a new car… you get a new car and it’s not what you wanted, you wanted a VW golf but never asked for one so all you found were Honda’s.

  1. Get clear on exactly what you want and if you’re not 100% explore your desires. 

For me right now, I want success, happiness and to be able to love and receive in an abundance of ways. I’ve noticed that my lack of menstrual cycle when all my hormones are fine could be linked with my lack of being open to being loved. So instead of manifesting my period, I’m manifesting the feelings and lifestyle of who I’d be if I had a regular mensural cycle.

  1. Set Your Goal

So you know what you want. Now time to ask for it. I journal my goals and desires and create vision boards or write stories about my dream life.

My ultimate goal is to get my period back ultimately so I’ll set mini goals to get me there.

When writing goals make them measurable and achievable. For me, this would look something like:

  1. keep my stress levels low by having baths, breathing and yoga.
  2. Eat enough calories and carbs by having 3 large meals a day and always eating to satisfaction.
  3. Only train in the gym for a skill and enjoyment. Follow Adonis’ plan and keep up gymnastics. This stops any more stress and reduces chances of over exercising.
  1. Visualise it & Acting as if 

How would the you that’s achieved your manifestation live? How would you act, how would you feel? What would you do?

Work out how someone who already has what you want acts and actively take part in the activities that they do.

For me, I’d have to each month buy sanitary products. I’d be relaxed and be conscious of what time of the month it is. I’d have a sense of overall well-being, In my eyes I’d be oozing health. So that’s exactly what I’m going to act like. I no longer act as someone in recovery of amenorrhea but I speak as if I have a period, as if I’m fertile and visualise myself a MILF when I’m older, walking with my pram along the sea front and dressing the little legends in the best outfits.

  1. Be really Grateful 

It’s amazing to want to grow and change. It’s good to want to develop who you are and want more from life but and id say this is the biggest one you have to be grateful for what you already have.

I’m mega grateful that my lack of period made me realise how much I want to be a mum (MILF) one day. I’m so grateful that it’s made me educate myself on the importance of a cycle and fuelling  your body. I’m grateful I have the ability to make changes, I’m grateful for the ability to tell my story and journey, I’m grateful to still have be alive. I’m grateful for so many other things in my life.

Finding reasons to still be grateful in hard times is crucial to manifesting. Like attracts like so give gratitude and happiness and you’ll receive even more.

  1. Give 

I didn’t mention this on my video. But this is a step to include. Once you’ve asked for something go out and give more of yourself to others. The cycle of giving and receiving is so lovely. So in order to receive, go out and give some more.

  1. Don’t stress about it

The more you actively stress and obsess about a situation the more it won’t happen. Let it go, breathe through and trust the world has your back on this. I bet that when you’re least expecting it it will happen.

  1. Work for It 

While I’ve asked you to not stress about it you still have to actively work for it.

If you want the pay rise then don’t sit and just moan. Show up and show your employer you deserve that pay rise. The people who are on more than you, what do they do? (Refer back to step of acting as if)

Work on the goals you’ve set yourself. For me continuing the lifestyle of high stress wasn’t going to bring my period back. I’m going to need to actively work on my emotional releases, self love and fuelling my body if I’m going to have it back.

  1. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be right now 

This is sometimes one that people struggle with. But understanding that where you are right now is exactly where you’re meant to be is key. Knowing that whatever you’ve been through, whatever you’re going through is there an opportunity for growth and to learn.

For me my lack of period is a physical sign that my lifestyle wasn’t working for my body. It was an opportunity for me to make changes that would get me back on the right path and open up to new experiences. Without my amenorrhea I might not have even got into spirituality as a healing practise, I might not even have been able to share this with you guys.

Love your life even in times of shittiness.

Visualise yourself at your goal.

Believe in yourself.

Remember like attracts like. You’ll receive exactly what you give.

I promise you that you everything in you already that’s required to achieve your dream life, we’ve just got to tap into the tools.

Love ya legends xxx