I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

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On bank holiday I went out 2 nights in a row. The Sunday I drank 2 bottles of Prosecco then went home and ate 16 digestives in my bed. I woke up surrounded in crumbs.

Sometimes I can be an unsociable hermit all week. My hormones can be everywhere and time by myself is all I want. I decline any invites and hide from people.

I sometimes feel stuck. Sometimes I get stuck on the progress ladder. Wanting more and desperate for more. A little grounding and gratitude normally helps me get off.

I still deal with emotions I thought I was over. Turns out they were just buried. That ex you thought you were done crying over? Yeah maybe not. It’s normal to feel like this.

I procrastinate because I suffer from imposters syndrome. I procrastinate because I sometimes don’t feel good enough. So I avoid doing things so I don’t get caught out or so I don’t have to fail. My stepdad has drilled it into me the importance of failure for growth but that sometimes doesn’t make it any easier.

Im not always happy. I burn myself out, I don’t always listen to my body. I get angry, I get IBS, I get sad and lock myself away.

I struggle to let people in. I struggle to get attached. I struggle to show emotion.

Not having my period has effected my mental health in so so many ways. More ways than you could imagine.

At times I feel out of control so I try to control my food to give me a sense of control again. I sometimes can’t fight these past patterns.

You always see my highlight reel. We all do on social media. I still wake up everyday able to find something I’m grateful for, I wake up everyday with a purpose, I wake up everyday loving life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle sometimes. It doesn’t mean everyday is a great day or an easy ride.

Life is meant to chuck us curveballs as signs to get us back on the right path. Life will always be challenging.

But one thing I will always always believe is that the universe fully has my back. In the words of our mate Bob, every little thing will be alright.

 

Love to you all, always xxx

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