I keep having epiphanies. This lockdown is causing me all kind of things in me but as woo woo & deep as it sounds I haven’t felt this level of healing since I went to Thailand 2 years ago.
I try to share as much as I can but this lockdown I’ve dug deep trying to claw up all the unnecessary baggage I’ve been dragging about with me. I email my epiphanies to my stepdad because we can blame him for my spiritual side but he just gets it.
Some days I wake up not being able to move other days I’m putting on my trainers wondering how hard it really would be to run 5k in 10 minutes and that kind of sums up my past 2 years.
Ridiculous amounts of energy which I didn’t know what to do with then bam nothing.
The word balance id only use when I was wondering how to balance the 50,000 things I wanted to do in that 5 minutes.
Don’t get wrong I’ve grown so much and do have so much more balance in my life but it does depends what area of my life you look at.
Sleep, general wellness, body acceptance, allowing foods I want? Kinda Nailed it.
Over working, not seeing loved ones, allowing myself to have fun and do things just because & actually fuelling myself for my days? Working on it.
I’ve spent the past few years of my life in my masculine (your body is made up of both a masculine & feminine side. The masculine is your drive, power and leadership. The feminine is your nurturing, caring, receiving)
So the masculine, where I’ve lived for years – That is the side of you that GETS SHIT DONE. I’m 24, brand manager, first class degree and my own apartment. I’ve got shit done. But the masculine doesn’t really care how it gets done, it just gets done.
That’s what I did. My divine feminine didn’t just get moved to the side she got trampled on. Only allowing to poke her head out on a spa day. My hormones were fucked. I had no oestrogen, no period, no self love and struggled to show emotion.
But in the words of pink… were not broken just bent & we can learn to love again. LOL CRINGE.
But that’s what this lockdown is allowing me to do. Slowing down, meditating, yoga-ing, connecting with my body again and I’ll forever be grateful for that.
With a lot of resistance at the start, a few wobbles, days not eating just working & others where I’ve simply just over done it … I know that on the day we start to see family & friends again, I’ll be full of love and oestrogen LOL.