How to Deal with a Break Up

Relationships. This could end up in a series… I might call it #TheRelaSeries

I used to do events in schools where I spoke to loads of girls about health & fitness and I had one girl message me recently asking about relationships and I thought I’d share my reply. ‘

‘My boyfriend just broke up with me, how are you so ok by yourself? Can you do a video on relationships please?’

Let me answer the second one first. Right now, no. Partly because I don’t know how I could do it respectfully. A blog post I can edit until I’m happy enough that it won’t be disrespectful to the other party. A video? Who knows what will come out of my mouth!

That’s the funny thing about relationships. They involved two people. Your feelings & theirs. Whether they were in the wrong or in the right at any given moment, we all deserve the right to privacy and respect so a relationship one, although I think is a huge huge part of my story it’s one I really want to be sensitive about. So until I can figure out a way to share the message to help people without involving others that’s on hold.

But anyway, the first question I think I can help with.

Like I said a relationship requires two people. It’s demanding on both people, in sense that whether you’re ready for it or not you have someone else’s feelings to think about as well as your own. Now is your chance to just think about you.

It’s obv important to remember that it’s different for everyone. But for me there are 3 things that help me…

1. I have proof that when one door shuts 5 more open. Within 2 months of a relationship ending, I’d booked to go to Thailand by myself and Australia with one of my best friends. I also got offered my dream job out of no where from ProDirect. It’s about constantly reminding yourself that an ending is also a whole new beginning. Change your perspective – you see more of what you focus on. Focus on what’s new, not what is gone.

2. A relationship requires you to constantly think about another person. Sometimes some alone time is exactly what we did to get to know ourselves and find out what makes us feel alive just being us. (For me, I was in an on off relationship from when I was 13 to nearly 22… I had no idea who Chloe really was) That cliche phrase of how can you love someone or expect someone else to love you when you don’t love yourself? It’s also a great time for reflection. What part did you play in that relationship? and while your initial thought may be that you did everything right, you didn’t. It takes two to tango as the saying goes. You can look back and reflect on what you know you will/won’t do or will/won’t accept in another relationship.

3. Right now I’m very happy by myself because I know I’m in a place of growing & accepting myself. In my experience the biggest self growth has come when I’m just focusing on me (plus the buggers always sneak up on you when you don’t expect it – so don’t threat if you do want to be in a relationship). Right now, Is there something that you’ve always loved to do? Or something you’d like to work on just for you? There is nothing wrong with choosing you for a moment but make sure you tell yourself that story. Change the story that someone has dumped you to its just an opportunity for you to just do you. I think what story you tell yourself plays a huge part. Change the story so it feels nicer to you.

She replied and asked if I’m completely against guys now? Which obviously I pissed myself at.. no! not at all. What fool is going to turn down a 10/10 if they slide into the dms ey!? … jokes aside, I’m just a big believer that when the right person comes along, you just know.

All the people I look at as ‘couple goals’, those that have the kind of relationship I’d like – they all say that they just ‘knew’.

When you know you know. & I know that I’ll know when I know… and right now I don’t know, yano?

Obviously everyone has different experiences & these are just my own experiences, I’ll try work on way to bringing this into a video.

For those reading and have made it this far, you’ll be pleased to know we continued the conversation and while it is tough in lock down she’s created a vision board & a wrote down some things she’s like to achieve. She’s just begun her own happiness project this month – 1) move her body everyday 2) speak to a friend everyday 3) learn something everyday…. now if that isn’t asking for GLOW UP I don’t know what is 🌈💓

X x x x

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