Why do we focus on what we don’t know???

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 19.12.12.pngDo you know how hard it is to write while holding a dog that follows his nose everywhere and has the need to be 10 metres further up the road 10 minutes ago?

If you don’t, well it’s hard.

Sometimes I open up my phone and have no idea what I’m going to say. All I know is that I have something to say. It feels right.

Isn’t it strange how we focus a lot of our attention on what we don’t know? Have you even noticed that we do that?

When’s next promotion? Next boyfriend? Next car? Meal?

We focus on what sally thinks of us? What susie is doing next? What we are next going to need money for?

What’s next for us? What’s happening tomorrow? Omg you get my point.

We get so caught up in what’s next and quite frankly what we can’t control and what we don’t know that we miss the beauty around us now.

Today I woke up in a funk. Everything in life is great but something, today, left me feeling out of sorts.

A walk is where I sort myself out, so off I go.

Being so focused on what you don’t know, blurs the beauty of what we do know – (Hodgkinson, C – 2019)

Changes and uncertainty help us grow. Letting our past go helps us welcome new miracles. Living with uncertainty leaves us vulnerable. Vulnerability is power.

I have no idea. Absolutely none, about my bigger picture. The control freak in me is FREAKING out. She wants to plan, know the answer, see the future, know the next step.

But I don’t know it.

And rather than just trusting the universe I’m trying to control the things that I simple don’t know. Leaving me feeling lost, withdrawn and exhausted.

Focusing on what I don’t know has blurred the beauty in what I do know.

This realisation has allowed me to breathe into being present. Dig deep into gratitude and simply restore my trust in the universe.

You don’t always have to know your next step, but one thing I do know is that the universe very much has our backs.

We are exactly where we are meant to be xx

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

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On bank holiday I went out 2 nights in a row. The Sunday I drank 2 bottles of Prosecco then went home and ate 16 digestives in my bed. I woke up surrounded in crumbs.

Sometimes I can be an unsociable hermit all week. My hormones can be everywhere and time by myself is all I want. I decline any invites and hide from people.

I sometimes feel stuck. Sometimes I get stuck on the progress ladder. Wanting more and desperate for more. A little grounding and gratitude normally helps me get off.

I still deal with emotions I thought I was over. Turns out they were just buried. That ex you thought you were done crying over? Yeah maybe not. It’s normal to feel like this.

I procrastinate because I suffer from imposters syndrome. I procrastinate because I sometimes don’t feel good enough. So I avoid doing things so I don’t get caught out or so I don’t have to fail. My stepdad has drilled it into me the importance of failure for growth but that sometimes doesn’t make it any easier.

Im not always happy. I burn myself out, I don’t always listen to my body. I get angry, I get IBS, I get sad and lock myself away.

I struggle to let people in. I struggle to get attached. I struggle to show emotion.

Not having my period has effected my mental health in so so many ways. More ways than you could imagine.

At times I feel out of control so I try to control my food to give me a sense of control again. I sometimes can’t fight these past patterns.

You always see my highlight reel. We all do on social media. I still wake up everyday able to find something I’m grateful for, I wake up everyday with a purpose, I wake up everyday loving life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle sometimes. It doesn’t mean everyday is a great day or an easy ride.

Life is meant to chuck us curveballs as signs to get us back on the right path. Life will always be challenging.

But one thing I will always always believe is that the universe fully has my back. In the words of our mate Bob, every little thing will be alright.

 

Love to you all, always xxx

I’ll be happy when…

peter-lloyd-z2AvphP--S0-unsplashThey say successful people are the ones that continue to show up. They say the happiest are the ones that live with fulfilment. 

What if you don’t know what fulfills you? What if we are constantly climbing the ladder? I’ll be happy when…. 

I’ll be happy when I’m skinny, when I’ve got through this project, when I’ve moved house, when I have a pay rise, when my boss likes me, when he falls in love with me. 

I like to think I’m pretty honest with you guys. I’ve always chased better, I’ve always chased happier.

I’ve suffered from ammenorhea for nearly 2 years now. I’m recovered now, this month I’ll have my period. I’m healthy now. I’m just waiting for it to come. But for so so many months the words ‘I’ll sort myself out after…’ we’re words that were constantly coming out of my mouth. 

I was burnt out, trying to always do more in order to find happiness. Trying to do more to be the healthiest, to be perfect. Nothing was ever quite enough… and if I thought it was for 2 seconds well then I’d push the boundaries some more. 

‘Give me 2 more weeks and I’ll sort myself out’

What even is sorting myself out? All I needed to do was stop for a second and look at what I had around me. I was actually able to be happy now, not then but I was so not present that it was impossible to see. 

I don’t regret anything in my life. Each experience shaped me now, developed me as a person. Good or bad choices, they’ve shaped my morals, my values and current story. 

What I am aware of now though is I visit places I’d been too before and noticed things I had no idea about. I knew I’d been there but didn’t remember a thing.

A while a go I visited Dartmouth with family, we got fish and chips. I knew me and my ex boyfriend went here when we were 18 once but I barely remembered it… I only remember thinking ‘I went gym straight after to burn them off’… madness. 

I missed out of enjoying company, having a laugh, new experiences because I was so focused on ‘becoming happy’ that I had no idea that actually happiness is found now. Happiness wasn’t going to be found when I was skinny, happiness was there in front of me I just couldn’t see it. 

I think that’s why I make such a big deal out of the small things now. Why gratitude is so important to me, why noticing and reflecting on the good things in everyday is so important. 

It’s mad when you actually stay focused on being present. It’s mad how much more of life you see, the relationships you build and the enjoyment you fill. 

Whenever you can, I urge you to stop at one point in your day and just notice something you’ve enjoyed today. Take some breathes and  ground yourself, look around you and realise that whatever journey you’re on you’re allowed to be happy now. 

You can find happiness and still want to grow. 

Love ya xxxx 

Pain vs Pleasure Theory

The pain and pleasure theory…. 

IGTV got me explaining more in words again. 

Tony Robbins introduces me to this theory. The theory that as humans we seek pleasure and avoid pain. That’s basically how we make decisions.

Would you like to go pub? 

At the moment your brain will associate pub with either pain or pleasure and that’s how you’ll decide what to do. 

Getting up for 6am gym when it’s cold, dark and rainy? 

Is the pain getting out of bed when your bed is so comforting and warm greater than the pleasure you’ll experience from going to the gym? 

You make that decision. Have a think about it, it’s in everything we do. Stomach growls giving us pain so eat to avoid the pain of hungry and we will eat something tasty to seek the pleasure. 

Understanding this theory has done wonders for me when it comes to making decisions and is one I’d really encourage you to think about. 

When setting goals Try this: 

  1. acknowledging change needs to be made. The first step is acknowledgement. You’ve noticed something that needs to change. This might be that you’re overweight or you’re really unfit. 
  2. Set your goals. You’ve acknowledged your overweight so you set a goal to loose weight. I’d recommend you then break down your ultimate goal into more specific and measurable goals… see manifesting post. This could be loose 1 stone by the time I go on holiday. 
  3. Find your why. Having a purpose to achieve this goal and a why really helps cement you’re goal in an emotional way. To loose 1 stone by the time you go on holiday. Why? Because then I feel good in a bikini and not want to cover up so can get a nice tan and feel happy sitting around the pool just like every other holiday. You’re going to want to remember your why when things get hard. 
  4. Set a plan. You may reach out to a PT, start a programme or start eating healthier and moving more. Each day from now on you’ll be faced with the pain and pleasure theory when it comes to working towards your goals. 

You’re at a party, you’ve enjoyed one bit of cake because the pain of saying no when it’s your favourite every cake is greater than if you were to allow yourself a small piece and enjoy every moment. You’re offered a second piece – here comes the decision, remember your why. Is the pain of saying no to the second bit greater than the pain you’ll feel if you don’t feel comfortable and happy on holiday? 

Tony explains that we are more likely to avoid pain than seek pleasure. For example, if you’re eating the yummiest food in the world but suddenly someone comes in threatening to kill you unless you stop eating it. No matter how delicious that cake was, dying is more painful… dramatic example but I think you get it. 

I use this theory to help me make more conscious decisions. Help keep me accountable and help make decisions that are aligned with me and my goals. 

I use the why part to help remind me and to make an emotional connection to my goal. 

I use goals to help have a purpose. 

I love having a purpose so my life stays interesting and fulfilled. 

Yours could too. 

Love as always legends xxxx