How to Deal with a Break Up

How to Deal with a Break Up

Relationships. This could end up in a series… I might call it #TheRelaSeries

I used to do events in schools where I spoke to loads of girls about health & fitness and I had one girl message me recently asking about relationships and I thought I’d share my reply. ‘

‘My boyfriend just broke up with me, how are you so ok by yourself? Can you do a video on relationships please?’

Let me answer the second one first. Right now, no. Partly because I don’t know how I could do it respectfully. A blog post I can edit until I’m happy enough that it won’t be disrespectful to the other party. A video? Who knows what will come out of my mouth!

That’s the funny thing about relationships. They involved two people. Your feelings & theirs. Whether they were in the wrong or in the right at any given moment, we all deserve the right to privacy and respect so a relationship one, although I think is a huge huge part of my story it’s one I really want to be sensitive about. So until I can figure out a way to share the message to help people without involving others that’s on hold.

But anyway, the first question I think I can help with.

Like I said a relationship requires two people. It’s demanding on both people, in sense that whether you’re ready for it or not you have someone else’s feelings to think about as well as your own. Now is your chance to just think about you.

It’s obv important to remember that it’s different for everyone. But for me there are 3 things that help me…

1. I have proof that when one door shuts 5 more open. Within 2 months of a relationship ending, I’d booked to go to Thailand by myself and Australia with one of my best friends. I also got offered my dream job out of no where from ProDirect. It’s about constantly reminding yourself that an ending is also a whole new beginning. Change your perspective – you see more of what you focus on. Focus on what’s new, not what is gone.

2. A relationship requires you to constantly think about another person. Sometimes some alone time is exactly what we did to get to know ourselves and find out what makes us feel alive just being us. (For me, I was in an on off relationship from when I was 13 to nearly 22… I had no idea who Chloe really was) That cliche phrase of how can you love someone or expect someone else to love you when you don’t love yourself? It’s also a great time for reflection. What part did you play in that relationship? and while your initial thought may be that you did everything right, you didn’t. It takes two to tango as the saying goes. You can look back and reflect on what you know you will/won’t do or will/won’t accept in another relationship.

3. Right now I’m very happy by myself because I know I’m in a place of growing & accepting myself. In my experience the biggest self growth has come when I’m just focusing on me (plus the buggers always sneak up on you when you don’t expect it – so don’t threat if you do want to be in a relationship). Right now, Is there something that you’ve always loved to do? Or something you’d like to work on just for you? There is nothing wrong with choosing you for a moment but make sure you tell yourself that story. Change the story that someone has dumped you to its just an opportunity for you to just do you. I think what story you tell yourself plays a huge part. Change the story so it feels nicer to you.

She replied and asked if I’m completely against guys now? Which obviously I pissed myself at.. no! not at all. What fool is going to turn down a 10/10 if they slide into the dms ey!? … jokes aside, I’m just a big believer that when the right person comes along, you just know.

All the people I look at as ‘couple goals’, those that have the kind of relationship I’d like – they all say that they just ‘knew’.

When you know you know. & I know that I’ll know when I know… and right now I don’t know, yano?

Obviously everyone has different experiences & these are just my own experiences, I’ll try work on way to bringing this into a video.

For those reading and have made it this far, you’ll be pleased to know we continued the conversation and while it is tough in lock down she’s created a vision board & a wrote down some things she’s like to achieve. She’s just begun her own happiness project this month – 1) move her body everyday 2) speak to a friend everyday 3) learn something everyday…. now if that isn’t asking for GLOW UP I don’t know what is 🌈💓

X x x x

Riding The Waves of Emotions

Riding The Waves of Emotions

I’ve got an urge to write but somethings stopping me so here I am writing on my walk no entirely sure where this is going to go. But I also know that when I’m in the unknown that’s when the best things happen. 

I’ve done it again, don’t worry the bounce back rate is getting even better, but I’ve done it again. We can joke that about 3 people have said to me ‘Chlo you’re the only person in lock down that manages to still burn themselves out’. 

I’ve gone days barely eating, just working. I’ve had days where I’ve just gone ‘fuck this im going bed’ at 6:30pm. Lost myself in an audiobook and realise I’ve smashed 16,000 steps… oops best go home. 

I’m now telling myself that my body is healthy enough to keep up with the pace of my brain. 

I’m obsessive & addictive. I get something in my head and I won’t just do it. ILL DO IT. And It’s actually a trait that I love about myself. But my body not so much… 

I know when I’m burning myself out when my shadow self creeps in. Your shadow self is the part of yourself that you try to hide. 

I push away loved ones, I think about things that I don’t have rather than focusing on what I do, I feel anxious so mask that by not eating, i get competitive, I shut away any feelings & I escape by walking or yoga but eventually the burn out catches up on me. 

I’m very proud of how far I’ve come in the self acceptance, confidence and being ok with myself but also very aware of how many layers onions have. 

I work through one massive thing & 3 more things appear. It’s normal. It kinda excites me a bit. I know that once I’ve worked through this layer my life gets even better and let me tell you, I bloody love life as it is. So imagine the joy on the other side!? 

I’ve learnt to ride the waves of emotions. I saw this one coming last week when I started to feel a little uncomfortable when I was sat at my desk, I thought to myself … oh god here’s a big wave coming. The wave peaked yesterday and today it’s approaching the shore. 

If I’ve lost you. The wave incoming represents the emotions you’re needing to deal that can be brought up around new moons (tomorrow), full moons or times like this. This may show up in arguments or feelings of resentment and difficulty of showing gratitude – for me it’s an inner urge to lock myself away, ignore texts & instead of daydreaming and getting excited I start to daydream to remind myself what I don’t have. 

Self awareness is where you can see the wave coming and you prepare for it. You’re like ‘oh fuck, ok let’s go’ 

The peak of the wave is where is all comes out, you let go and allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. You allow your subconscious to shine a light on areas that arent fulfilling you. You ride this wave. You ride the emotions, you let them surface and just go with it. 

As the wave comes down you’re letting it go. You’re not fighting against it but you’re riding it rather than being swallowed by it. As you approach the shore you’re full of forgiveness, you’re letting it go, you’re going towards the shore of least resistance, fulfilment & your new life. 

You’ve done it. You’ve worked through it. There were probably times on the wave that you didn’t think you’d make it to the end of the wave and it would suck you back up. But self awareness, going inwards and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable will so be worth it. 

If you stumble, Miss the wave, don’t worry. There’ll be plenty more to come. Look at the wave and see how you could have approached it differently. 

Forgive yourself & others. Be aware of yourself. Be kind to yourself. 

Embrace the waves. Tides come and go, thanks to the moon – so you may notice your emotions and tides come and go around the moon too. Full and New moons tend to bring up emotions that can make us feel nuts…. ride them. 

And when this lockdown is over, let’s all go surfing together to celebrate all those crazy ones we’ve dealt with at home xxx 

Daydream Your Way To Happiness

Daydream Your Way To Happiness

Why day dreaming is your soul singing. 

I’ve always done it. I spend half my life with my head in the clouds. I don’t why but it’s just so nice up there. You can be who you want, live a life of your highest desires or even better live any life you like. 

I’ve also always been a huge acting lover so any chance to get into character and go for it and I’m there. Day dreaming is exactly that but you don’t need to worry about messing your lines up or whether someone enjoys it because it’s all you. 

I think as society we’ve shunned daydreaming as a waste of time but I genuinely believe that’s because some of the very ideas come from daydreaming. Some spiritual leaders believe that stuff like this & meditation etc was seen as negative to suppress people’s inner power & keep everyone abiding by the rulers rules… but that’s for another time.

They say you should always do what you did as a kid. I was so confused by this because I was everything. I’d be outside taking care of my riding school before it suddenly changing into my naughty class and me having to tell them off and they had to stand by the wall (anyone else have a naughty wall I’m their junior school?) 

When I made cakes I was on a cooking show or I was a teaching a food tech class. When I was painting my nails I was running my own salon (I once filed my nails down the skin). When I was revising I was teaching school kids the lessons. 

I must have looked (and sound like) I’ve lost the plot. Imagine my parents looking outside the window and seeing me chatting away to things to the normal eye weren’t there but to me they were. 

I used to pretend to ride a horse round the field while my Shetland pony was tied up and watched on probably very confused – but it wasn’t his turn to be exercised yet, it was Annie the giant show jumper that had a big national event the next day. I’d even go to bed excited and nervous to wake up and take Annie to the show. Of course this wasn’t real, in real life anyway, but in my head it really was. 

I’ve been a homeless person who lives under my trampoline but that game didn’t last long as it didn’t make me feel nice. I once sang outside in my dads garden pretending the birds were sat on my arms… my step mum came out and asked if I was ok (the neighbours could hear) let’s just say I don’t have the pipes of Beyoncé in real life, but during that time, I truly was Snow White. 

So when they say do what you did as a kid and I’d be like da fuk? How does my imagination help people? 

Yesterday at 24 years old my younger Chlo came out as I woke up 3 weeks into isolation and living by myself – I followed my intuition. You’re on a yoga retreat or on holiday Chlo. 

The sun helps. But I treated the whole day as if I was on holiday. I walked, yoga’d, sunbathed, ate fruit and drank Prosecco as the sun went down with an Ibiza chill out playlist on. It was exactly how we live our life when we go to Spain. 

I’ve had a lovely few days and I want to share that with people. People always say I’m optimistic but is it that or do I just spend time daydreaming my dream life that I make it my reality? 

So I wanted to share people an insight into my brain and today I started ‘Hodgy’s Not Quite Ibiza Retreats’. My main goal is to make isolation a little easier for everyone using the power of day dreaming and living as if. 

Head to my Instagram for the full day xxxxx 

Tapping into your younger self

Tapping into your younger self

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 19.38.58.pngIsn’t it funny how sometimes you can just sit and write and write and write.

How sometimes writing just feels well right?

I’ve always written even as a little kid. I remember writing stories. I remember thinking I’ll be an author and everyone will love my stories. Now while I am unsure you lot love these and this story isn’t one I’ve made up. I am publishing my own story. Which younger me is pretty buzzing about.

They say that if you’re ever lost or stuck then you should think back to what you did as a kid in your past time. For me it was teaching and collecting. Which is weird when a huge goal of mine is to educate people and I’m also a producer by day. I used to transform our spare room into my class room and teach my imaginary pupils and as a I grew older I started collecting every fashion magazine and making my own trend books.

It helps looking back at what I did when I was younger. What I got lost in. If i’m ever stuck I sometimes sit and think what would younger Chlo do right now?

To be honest I was probably making up some other imagine game. A top favourite of mine was playing horses where I’d transform our field into the most incredible riding stables and spend hours teaching imagine children to ride. Here I am educating and creating.

I have the weirdest imagination and this is why writing helps. It’s probably why I got so much into spirituality too. My head is strange and im finally learning how I express that.

Anyway, back to what we did as kids.

Whenever i’m stuck I look back and think what would younger Chlo do?

When we are kids we don’t even think, we just do what feels good. As we grow older society tryings to tell us what we should and shouldn’t be doing. Maturity stops us in our tracks. Our environment shapes our thoughts.

As a kid we just did what feels right to us. We just went with our own mind and thats what I believe we should get back to doing more of.

What do we enjoy doing? Where can find joy? Where can we laugh, get in our own heads more and just enjoying being.

It takes quite a bit of diving deep into our heads but it’s amazing to do so.

So let me ask you this – what did the younger version of you do? Do you still do some of that or are you stuck in the maturity cycle?

Why Do We Focus On What We Don’t Know?

Why Do We Focus On What We Don’t Know?

Do you know how hard it is to write while holding a dog that follows his nose everywhere and has the need to be 10 metres further up the road 10 minutes ago?

If you don’t, well it’s hard.

Sometimes I open up my phone and have no idea what I’m going to say. All I know is that I have something to say. It feels right.

Isn’t it strange how we focus a lot of our attention on what we don’t know? Have you even noticed that we do that?

When’s next promotion? Next boyfriend? Next car? Meal?

We focus on what sally thinks of us? What susie is doing next? What we are next going to need money for?

What’s next for us? What’s happening tomorrow? Omg you get my point.

We get so caught up in what’s next and quite frankly what we can’t control and what we don’t know that we miss the beauty around us now.

Today I woke up in a funk. Everything in life is great but something, today, left me feeling out of sorts.

A walk is where I sort myself out, so off I go.

Being so focused on what you don’t know, blurs the beauty of what we do know – (Hodgkinson, C – 2019)

Changes and uncertainty help us grow. Letting our past go helps us welcome new miracles. Living with uncertainty leaves us vulnerable. Vulnerability is power.

I have no idea. Absolutely none, about my bigger picture. The control freak in me is FREAKING out. She wants to plan, know the answer, see the future, know the next step.

But I don’t know it.

And rather than just trusting the universe I’m trying to control the things that I simple don’t know. Leaving me feeling lost, withdrawn and exhausted.

Focusing on what I don’t know has blurred the beauty in what I do know.

This realisation has allowed me to breathe into being present. Dig deep into gratitude and simply restore my trust in the universe.

You don’t always have to know your next step, but one thing I do know is that the universe very much has our backs.

We are exactly where we are meant to be xx

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

Screen Shot 2019-09-15 at 19.09.33

On bank holiday I went out 2 nights in a row. The Sunday I drank 2 bottles of Prosecco then went home and ate 16 digestives in my bed. I woke up surrounded in crumbs.

Sometimes I can be an unsociable hermit all week. My hormones can be everywhere and time by myself is all I want. I decline any invites and hide from people.

I sometimes feel stuck. Sometimes I get stuck on the progress ladder. Wanting more and desperate for more. A little grounding and gratitude normally helps me get off.

I still deal with emotions I thought I was over. Turns out they were just buried. That ex you thought you were done crying over? Yeah maybe not. It’s normal to feel like this.

I procrastinate because I suffer from imposters syndrome. I procrastinate because I sometimes don’t feel good enough. So I avoid doing things so I don’t get caught out or so I don’t have to fail. My stepdad has drilled it into me the importance of failure for growth but that sometimes doesn’t make it any easier.

Im not always happy. I burn myself out, I don’t always listen to my body. I get angry, I get IBS, I get sad and lock myself away.

I struggle to let people in. I struggle to get attached. I struggle to show emotion.

Not having my period has effected my mental health in so so many ways. More ways than you could imagine.

At times I feel out of control so I try to control my food to give me a sense of control again. I sometimes can’t fight these past patterns.

You always see my highlight reel. We all do on social media. I still wake up everyday able to find something I’m grateful for, I wake up everyday with a purpose, I wake up everyday loving life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle sometimes. It doesn’t mean everyday is a great day or an easy ride.

Life is meant to chuck us curveballs as signs to get us back on the right path. Life will always be challenging.

But one thing I will always always believe is that the universe fully has my back. In the words of our mate Bob, every little thing will be alright.

 

Love to you all, always xxx